


Blackmail

by evenstar8705



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Love Poems, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 08:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20862989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evenstar8705/pseuds/evenstar8705
Summary: Short and sweet, just a little ditty about Quark attempting to blackmail Odo and it backfires on him spectacularly. Meant to take place late season 6 or early 7 of the show.





	Blackmail

**Author's Note:**

> Remember the episode where Quark catches Odo reading an erotic sounding novel? Well, this is akin to that.

Quark couldn’t believe his good fortune when Rom handed him a pile of papers at the bar that evening. It had been a brutal night. Morn wouldn’t shut up as usual, customers argued about prices, and Rom had been a particular idiot. He mixed the wrong substances so Quark was forced to give refunds. He’d dock his brother’s pay for certain tonight. He almost threw out the papers in the trash compacter and missed an opportunity. 

At first glance, the papers didn’t look like anything special. They just seemed to be aged parchment with some Bajoran drivel written all over. Something possessed the Ferengi to take a second glance and he realized that the aging was an artificial effect and the writing was precise and beautiful. A deft and delicate hand had written this and wanted it to look antiquated. 

“Rom, where did you come by this?” he asked his brother.

“Come by what?”

“This, you imbecile!” he smacked one of Rom’s giant ears with the stack and Ferengi ears were so sensitive, a light flick of paper stung.

“Ow! Oh! Those! Constable Odo dropped them on his way out of the bar a few hours ago.”

“Really?”

“Yep, it dropped out of his evidence case.”

Quark guffawed as he began reading the text and said aloud nefariously, “Now I’ve got that meddling Changeling!”

“Huh?” as usual, Rom was blissfully unaware of anything going on around him at all times.

“Call the Constable for me, would you brother?”

“Ok, but it’s rather late and he won’t be happy about this.”

“Tell him I have something he’ll want back and I won’t penalize you for all the mistakes you’ve made tonight!”

“Yes, sir!”

Rom ran at full speed as Morn stared at Quark as though the Ferengi couldn’t sense his judging gaze. At least the weird creep had shut his mouth so he could enjoy the guaranteed show about to take place in Quark’s bar.

Odo eventually entered with Rom slumping behind the bar. The Constable looked grumpier than usual. Quark offered him a bubbly drink which Odo promptly dumped out upon the floor.

“I’m sorry for the olive branch!” Quark said sarcastically.

“I can’t be bribed so you should stop trying. Also, I’m not human anymore so, once again, I don’t drink! What is it that you have of mine?” Odo answered.

“Can’t you at least politely say hello to an old friend?” Quark grinned.

“Friends don’t blackmail each other. Enemies do that sort of thing,” Odo’s scowl seemed a mile long.

“You still don’t have a grasp of Ferengi culture then! How do you think some of the best friendships get started on my planet?”

“I keep to my own culture, Quark.”

“And what culture is that? The culture of the Founders?”

Odo grimaced, “No. I keep to my own as an individual. I don’t have herd mentality and that has served me far better than I ever imagined. If not, you’d truly have an enemy in me.”

Quark suppressed the urge to shudder a little bit as he pictured Odo at the side of that Female Founder, spellbound and slavishly obedient. Thank every benign being in the universe that Odo had somehow managed to snap out of that!

“We are friends, Odo, or at the least, we are frenemies. I want to hear you say it and apologize for being so mean and suspicious all the time toward me.”

“Frenemy is a word you made up just now!” Odo snorted and folded his arms.

“Fine, be that way, Odo. Just remember that I gave you a chance,” Quark said ominously.

Odo didn’t seem to be intimidated in the least until Quark produced the pages. Then the Changeling’s expression changed dramatically. His eyes flashed with painfully obvious distress. That made Quark smile and expose every yellowed and pointed tooth in his mouth.

“A love poem to my beloved Nerys,” Quark began to recite. “By Odo’ital.”

“Quark don’t you dare-“ Odo gestured wildly but Quark kept going.

“I long to feel your soft, smooth skin against mine, darling.”

“Quark!” Odo barked.

“Nerys, I want to comb my fingers through your fiery red hair. I want to kiss your red lips until you are breathless and forever mine. I want to kiss your lustrous red pearl between your thighs until the rest of your body surrenders and glows the same shade of red. The color suits you, my love-“

“Quark, I’m warning you!” Odo said in a menacing tone.

“Say you’re my friend or I’ll send a copy of this to everyone on the station!” Quark threatened. “You know I was rooting for you to get the girl from the moment you two were working together on the station? The fact that you were acting like a married couple long before you fools realized you were in love-“

“That does it!” Odo rasped.

With that, the Changeling began to change shape. He shifted into a terrible mix of a giant praying mantis and a spider with razor sharp pincers and mandibles dripping toxin. It was one of the most terrifying creatures on the Ferengi home world.

Quark was so petrified with fear he couldn’t even scream, but Rom was shrieking for him. Morn gasped and the rest of the patrons of the bar fled. Odo took advantage of the mass paralysis and snatched the papers from Quark’s hands with a single swipe of a pincer. Neither Ferengi attempted to stop him.

Odo slipped back into his humanoid form as he chuckled, saying, “Next time, Quark, I won’t be so nice about this sort of thing. If you try to blackmail me again, I’ll turn into that beast again and bite your head off! Literally!”

With a smug smile, Odo turned and left. Rom cleaned up the spill he had left and Quark was flushed with humiliation. 

Morn opened up his mouth to say something, probably like: I told you so. 

“Shut up, Morn!” Quark shouted.


End file.
